I find it funny that when you are studying and trying to be more like Jesus, that suddenly opportunities come your way that help you put into practice those very things that you are learning. This week in my study in "A Woman Who Reflects the Heart of Jesus" by Elizabeth George, the focus was on the characteristics of Compassion and Confident. These were some very convicting chapters. The first thing that hit me was when Elizabeth said this, "Jesus was not upset. He didn't fall apart because His plan was thwarted. He wasn't frustrated or upset with people. And He wasn't irritated by this interruption. No, He was moved with compassion." Wow! Yeah, I don't really react like that when things don't go my way or I am interrupted. How many times have the girls interrupted me in the middle of something and I am NOT happy? I don't know about you, but I have a LONG way to go on this one and much to learn! Jesus was constantly interrupted. Even when He tried to help His men get rest, but He never complained. He worked so hard and pushed through His tiredness. He did this because His heart was full of compassion and love. He saw a need and He met it. Through all of it though, He made sure that He had time to pray about everything. That is the most important action of compassion. We must seek Him before we serve. If we don't, we might make wrong choices.
Jesus was also Confident. There are 2 different kinds of trust or confidence: trusting in one's self or trusting in Jesus. At the age of 12, Jesus showed great confidence in His Heavenly Father. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do and He will show you which path to take." God has a plan for us. We can't always see what He's doing or why things are happening the way they are. Now, this is where these two characteristics came into play this past week. There were several days this week that one or both of my girls made bad choices at school. One day, the youngest had to go sit in the front office until she cooled down. I can't be the calm, cool mom who handles these situations with grace (which is ironic since my name means "one of grace"). Oh no, I got angry! Before you freak, no I did not discipline in anger. I gave myself time to calm down. There were a few nights with some very quiet car rides home because mommy was fuming. Why? Why do I let it get to me? My goal is to one day say, "sucks to be you" and dole out the punishment. JK! I wouldn't say that. I will say that after they received their punishments, we would hug, cuddle and talk about our choices and what we could have done instead. So, maybe there was some compassion involved. It wasn't quick enough though. Then there's the confident part. There were several nights that I was asking God, "are you sure that you picked the right person to be their mom? I'm not equipped for this!" Ah!! There you go my friends...does He call the equipped? NO! He calls us as we are and THEN He equips us. He CHOSE me, dysfunctions and all. :)
I was feeling very defeated this week. While I've been doing great on my fitness journey (down 7 lbs so far), I was feeling very inadequate as a mom. It didn't help to end the week by discovering that my 5 yr old had lice for the 2nd time. Ugh!!! So, my Saturday was spent de-licing children and home. I thought that my "bad" week was supposed to end on Friday night. I felt so bad for my youngest. She had worked so hard to turn her rough week around so that she could go to a friend's birthday party and then we couldn't go. I'll have to think of some way to make it up to her. Maybe I'll take them to Disney and to see their Poppy and Nana over Spring Break! DONE!!! :)
The reality of all of this is that I really didn't have a "bad" week when you compare it to the lives of others. I have two friends that have lost loved one over the past few months. My best friend had to undergo an emergency surgery a little bit ago. My emotionally trying week is nothing. I still often wonder why God thought that I could and should do this alone, but He always reminds me that He is in control (not me). Nothing is a surprise to Him. When my 4 (going on 14) yr old sasses me, He saw it coming and has given me the tools to handle it. If I (& you) continue to seek Him during our difficult moments, we will come out stronger and blessed. He loves us. No one will ever love us as much as He loves us. He wants us to grow and be more like Him.
I am not perfect. Trust me! I get hit in the face daily with my inadequacy, but that is a good thing. I can use those times to focus on the One that my confidence is found in. I don't say all of this for any of you to boast me up. I'm being real folks. We don't always see behind the closed doors. I know that this week is another week to continue to work on being more compassionate toward others. It's going to be a day by day process for this mama who does not have the gift of mercy. In fact, God allowed me to practice it as I put my girls to bed and my 5 yr old began crying because she was going to miss me at school tomorrow. My first reaction would've been to blow it off and say, "ah you'll be all right." Then, I wanted to laugh because I knew our dear friend JoeJoe had worn her out and she was very tired (& therefore emotional). Instead, I got down by her bed, hugged her and prayed with her. It's a day by day process. This characteristic does not come naturally for me. I'm going to have to pray every day for God to show me how to be compassionate and to whom I should be compassionate to. I'm sure that He is going to be more than happy to oblige. :) What is God teaching you lately?
Seek Him my friends and hugs to you!
Ann
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