If you've been reading my blogs, I hope that you've realized that with me what you see is what you get. I believe in being transparent. I've learned that if I try to hide my faults and mistakes, it just ways heavy on me. I also tend to feel shame when I try to hide my sins. There is something freeing about being real. So in the spirit of being transparent, I am going to share something that spoke to my heart and punched me in the stomach last night.
Not too long ago while I was listening to my friend Jennifer's podcast (you have to check it out if you haven't yet!), she mentioned a book by the author, Angela Thomas called "52 Things Kids Need From a Mom." I added it to my wish list and got it with my next paycheck. 😄 I feel like every chapter speaks to me! Last night the chapter entitled "Kids Need Their Mom...To Give Grace-Filled Consequences" truly spoke to me. Let me say also, that Angela Thomas was a single mom for 8 years. She gets me. 😄 I'm a single mom by choice, but she has been where I currently am.
This is where I felt the punch in the stomach. Angela says, "To give grace-filled consequences means that you and I will have to be filled with a grace that guides our decisions and our words. If we are empty of grace, operating with frayed emotions and selfishness, then guess what our kids will get? Angry consequences. If you are an empty woman, you will discipline from your emptiness." Wow! At first I was like, I'm not empty. We have everything that we need. I have friends and family that love me. I have a job that I love. But then God spoke to my heart and opened my eyes. You can have everything that this world has to offer and still be empty inside. There is only ONE thing that will fill that void. It's Jesus. It's not just inviting Him to live in your heart though. It's passionately pursuing a relationship with Him daily.
I'm going to be honest with you. My quiet times have been hit or miss over the past year. I've been filling my time and the void with other things like work, tv, running, friends, this blog or my Youtube Channel, my children, etc. Just like in any relationship, if you don't actively pursue it, make time for it and prioritize it, the relationship will fall apart. I've noticed that my heart is less filled with grace then it should be. I also get angry at my kids easier.
Angela also mentioned that are kids are little sinners. So am I. Do I want God to react in anger or with love to my sins? If He is merciful to me, shouldn't I be merciful to my own children? My job as their mama is to teach them grace. They aren't learning it if I am not truly experiencing it myself. I want my girls to grow up being passionate about Christ and to be world changers. This won't happen if I am not modeling that for them. The next chapter in the book talks about passionately pursuing Christ. If I don't pursue Him with all my heart, I won't ever change. I don't want to be empty. I want His love to flow through me and onto my children.
This morning I started thinking more. Not only do I want to parent with grace, I want to teach with grace. Do my students see something different in me? Do I extend grace-filled consequences to them?
Last night I was determined to get up early to have a good quiet time this morning. My plans were almost thwarted when I woke up at 2:40 am and couldn't fall back asleep until 4:00 am and my alarm went off 45 minutes later. I did hit snooze, but I got up and sat down to finish reading the book of Ruth (so many great nuggets in this book!) and to pray. I have to make it a priority to spend this time "re-fueling" everyday. If I want to change, I have to fill myself with His Word. I don't want my girls memories to be that their mommy was a yeller. I need to change. His mercies are new every morning. We were and are forgiven for so much. How can we not allow that grace to pour out of us and onto others?
This is just me being real. I hope that this encourages some of you. There may be some of you that don't struggle in this area. That's awesome! I'd love your tips (for real). If you are like me, know that we are in the trenches together. Just pick yourself back up and keep pushing forward.
Hugs Mamas!!!
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